


The Sharkpocalypse, Spoiled Milk, and Other Things Asahi Shouldn’t Have to Deal With

by AnimeVampire



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (except not lovers but there’s no friends to relationship tag so close enough), Angst, Apocalypse, At least I hope it’s funny, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bodyswap, Cornflakes, Crack, Crack-y, Cute Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, For fun :D, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Fun, Funny, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I try really hard, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Insecure Azumane Asahi, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Mood Swings, Never Have I Ever, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke are Bros, No Sex, No Smut, Noshinuya Yaa, Panic Attacks, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Sawamura Daichi in Love, Sharkpocalypse, Sleepovers, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is a Good Friend, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Underage Drinking, Vertigo - Freeform, Weekly Updates, What Have I Done, from laughing to angst and back again, how weird does it have to be to qualify as crack?, i think it’s crack, where do I stop?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-07 11:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17364989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeVampire/pseuds/AnimeVampire
Summary: Noya & Asahi switch bodies, try not to panic, beautifully fail at not panicking, and end up better for it. Also, sharks.





	1. Being on the Mafia Hitlist

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends!! Trying my hand at a bodyswap bc I fucking LOVE that shit. Hope y’all enjoy it!!

Okay, so maybe Asahi could’ve done some things better. If he was more polite, if he didn’t leave the volleyball team that one time, if he shaved more often, if he was more confident like Noya always said he should be, then maybe, just MAYBE, he wouldn’t be in this situation. And yet, here he was.

Staring at his lower body alone in a dark room.

9 inches shorter than he should be.

In only his boxers.

Frozen in some unholy lovechild of embarrassment and terror because that is NOT what he should be seeing, he knows that those aren’t his legs or feet or… Other body parts.

As much as he’d like to believe it wasn’t true, there was only one explanation: Someone hated him enough that they decided to cut off his legs and replace them with other, short little tiny legs to get back at him. It’s probably because of that one time he crossed the street during a red light trying to catch the neighbor girls dog and some little old lady probably had a heart attack because he looked so scary so her son joined the mafia and came to track him down and oh GOD he was gonna DIE, there are going to be large Russian me-

His phone rang.

Well, not HIS, the mafia men obviously took that too. Mafia. Mafia. What a funny word. He laughed hollowly.

The phone that was not his rang again, so he picked it up and answers.

“Hello?” The word rang unfamiliar in the black. Asahi steeled himself for whatever was going to come next- Is it the mafia again? A serial killer? Or a shark? He really, really hates sharks, it better not be anthropomorphic sharks, he’s too young for this.

“Hey, Asahi, is that you?” The voice on the other end was gravely and strained and this can’t be good whY DO THEY KNOW HIS NAME? 

Breathe, Asahi, breathe, he reminded himself. In, then out. It’s better to just accept that your death is coming no matter what you do. You can’t avoid it. The mafia knows where you live, so just take advantage of your last few minutes. Breathe.

“Yes, this is he,” Asahi said. His voice was still… off, but he sounded at least a LITTLE calmer. “I’d just like to say I never meant to kill your grandmother, it was the dogs fault! I understand why you want me to die, just let me say goodbye to my mom first and then you can go ahead and finish me off- It’s not like I can do anything to stop you. Please, just let me have this one thing first!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Asahi, hey- I don’t want to kill you!” The message was undermined somewhat, though, by how ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING that voice was. It had to belong to some kind of criminal and oh no he was panicking again he wasn’t supposed to panic again please ju-

“I just want to know why the FUCK I’m in your body.”

And Asahi froze.

And actually looked at himself.

(Only he had to search a minute for the mirror because it wasn’t his room because MAFIA, and he stumbled because his legs were short and it was a little awkward, but let’s just skip that part because it’s embarrassing and doesn’t really matter).

And…

It was Noya. It was not him in the mirror it was Noya. 

Now, Asahi didn’t normally swear, but he thought this merited an exception. So he said, with passion,

“What the actual fuck.” His voice was hysterical, reaching pitches that it really shouldn’t be able to reach because it waSN’T HIS VOICE, it was Noya’s.

“Yeah, see, this is an issue. Any ideas, Ace?”

His brain froze again for a minute, because could that possibly be… “Noya?”

“Uh-huh, this is Noya,” said Noya, with no shortage of impatience. “Keep up, Asahi, we need to get going.”

“Going where?” he asked, still dazed.

“To volleyball practice, of course!! We need to learn how to play in each other’s bodies!!!”

“...”

“You there, Asa-

“YOU’RE IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW?” 

“Well yeah, where else would I be? Mine is occupied at the moment. I thought you were smarter than this, honestly.”

“I’m ALLOWED to be a little behind right now, Noya. I’m IN YOUR FUCKING BODY, give me some time to process.”

“Oh, my fucking body? Yanno Asahi, much as I’d like to agree I don’t really do much of that, so-”

“Just shut up and give me a minute to think.”

_One Mississippi_

Okay, he was in Noya’s body. How. Why. 

_Two Mississippi_

Was it because of the mafia? No, even THEY probably couldn’t pull something like this off.

_Three Mississippi_

Sharks? Sharks could probably do something like this. He KNEW he was right to be scared of them.

_Four Mississippi_

...Wait, so Noya DIDN’T have sex on the regular? Maybe he had a chance.

_Five Missi-_

“Noya, stop counting. I’m sorry, it’s just really distracting.”

“But how else am I supposed to know when it’s been a minute?” The incredulous tone Noya seemed to be going for didn’t really translate to that scary voice and wait is that what he soUNDS LIKE?

“Yes, Asahi, you do sound exactly like this. It’s your body. Your voice. I know you haven’t had your thinking time yet but seriously, that should be OBVIOUS.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t meet your expectations,” he said testily. “Now PLEASE be quiet for a minute.”

There was no response, so Asahi returned to his thoughts.

Asahi’s therapist suggested that if he was paralyzed by the situation in front of him, it can help to just assume the worst case scenario and come up with a solution, it would give him confidence dealing with the real, better situation. She later amended that to worst PLAUSIBLE scenario when she saw just how creative he could be in his pessimism, but that didn’t really apply here seeing as he was IN NOYA’S BODY RIGHT NOW and okay yeah he was definitely still panicking.

But that was okay. He had trained and prepared for this moment over the past weeks (well maybe not this specific moment, but close enough). He closed his eyes, and breathed in.

Then out.

In.

Then out.

And, panic assuaged, went back to thinking. Where was he?... RIGHT, worst case scenarios… There’s an apocalypse happening. Anthropomorphic sharks have allied with the mafia, and are intent on destroying the world. In the process, the sharks have used their powers to swap Asahi and Noya’s bodies. The switch is permanent, and the apocalypse assured. All that he can do is operate as well as possible until humanity is destroyed… So what should he do?

“Okay,” Asahi said, more confidently than usual, “you’re right. Let’s meet up at the gym and play volleyball while we wait for the shark apocalypse, there’s nothing better to do.”

“SHARK APOCALYPSE??!” Noya’s voice was FULL of emotion and oh god it was cracking, Asahi’s voice really is hideous isn’t it.

“Yeah, shark apocalypse,” said Asahi, turning vaguely blue.

“AWESOME!!!! I’ll meet you in 10 minutes, bye!!”

And he hung up, leaving Asahi alone. 

In the dark. 

In Noya’s body. 

Still wearing only boxers.

During the shark apocalypse.

His phone dinged. /grb my hair gel plz/

And then, /on bthrm counter thx ;D/

That was when he noticed the time. 4:37. In the MORNING. He usually woke up at 6:40.

This was going to be a really long day.


	2. Hot Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya’s hair is a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking I’d wait until I wrote a bit more to publish this, but what the hell, it’s a good stopping point. So enjoy!!

Asahi arrived at the gym at 5:13, which was later than they’d agreed on but he was tired and in the wrong body with tiny legs and also not even at his HOUSE, so really it was quite impressive that he got there as quickly as he did. Although it was odd trying to move around using unfamiliar limbs (much more odd than could possibly be encapsulated with words, he wasn’t even going to try), it was impossible to deny that Noya’s body was in top shape.

Getting dressed had been surprisingly fine. He just threw on a t-shirt and shorts, then left. He was dreading showers, that’s when it would really get uncomfortable.

ANYWAYS, here he was at Gym 3, glancing around for Noya. He didn’t see the libero anywhere, which was odd because he was already late, and Noya almost always arrives early to wherever he’s going. What could’ve happened?

“Asahi,” someone said. He started, and turned his head to respond, and saw an unfamiliar face. The stranger was tall and looked to be in his mid twenties, with a scruffy goatee, atrocious bedhead, and a face alight with excitement. He was ripped, too- Those arms were really hot.

Asahi scanned his mind, wondering how he might know this person. Were they a faculty member? Why would a faculty member address him by his first name? Middle school, maybe?

“Asahi… Do you not recognize me?” He blushed, then shook his head, cowed. The stranger laughed, then laughed some more, and kept laughing until they were practically hyperventilating, clutching their sides and… There’s only 1 reason someone would be laughing that hard. And only 1 person who would be doing it.

“...Noya?” The man nodded, still laughing. “Wait, that’s what I look like?” 

“Come on, Asahi, we’ve been OVER this- Your body, your appearance.”

“But… But I look so different from how I usually do!! So OLD! And Noya, what’d you do to my hair?! It never looks that messy even before I brush it!” And there’s no way my arms look that good. I just thought my own arms are hot, is that weird? It is weird. I’m so awkward and weird, weird Asahi, creepy Asa-

“Oh, this?” Noya gestured at the bedhead. “I toss and turn a lot in my sleep. And I couldn’t find your hairbrush. Sorry bout that!!”

“Noya. I keep my hairbrush on my nightstand. In plain view. Right next to my bed. It’s impossible to miss.” Asahi sighed, massaging his forehead. “I guess I can try to do it with my fingers…”

“OR,” Noya interrupted, “we could do this!” He strode confidently up to a woman wearing a pencil skirt and carrying a purse. 

“Excuse me, ma’am, but could I borrow a hairbrush?” Noya asked, brimming with confidence.

“...Azumane? Is that you?” the woman asked. Noya froze, and Asahi could see the panic in his eyes.

“Who’s Azumane? I don’t know any Azumane! Nope! No siree, no Azumane’s here!!” He turned to the real Asahi, face begging for HELP. Asahi shrugged, having no idea what Noya should say.

“Really? I could’ve sworn… You look just like this boy, Azumane Asahi, I taught English to in his first year. If you’re not Azumane, who are you?”

Somehow, Noya’s expression became even more panicked. He mumbled something inaudible.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” the lady, who Asahi now remembered was Ms. Price from 3rd period, questioned.

“I said… my name is… Noshinuya! Noshinuya Yaa, ma’am!!” 

Asahi welcomed death.

“Hmm, Noshinuya,” Ms. Price said. “What a… unique name! Sure, Noshinuya, I always keep a couple combs on me.” She dug in her purse until she pulled out a simple black, fine toothed comb- The kind you can buy for a buck at Target, that breaks with hair that’s too coarse but does the job when your hair is fine. At that moment, Asahi felt a kinship to the thing- Created not to last, but to work until it collapses, no one to care about it when it inevitably fails. Completely replaceable, entirely unloved. 

“Here!” Ms. Price glanced appraisingly at Noya’s (Asahi’s) hair, then frowned, obviously not pleased with what she saw. “You know what, you can keep it.”

Could he be given away that easily? Would someone just… Pass him off, even if he did nothing wrong? Even if he did his job, if he never made any errors… Would he be tossed aside just because he doesn’t matter in the scheme of things?

“Hey Asahi?” Noya said, looking worriedly down at him (Noya, looking down at him, GOD this was weird). “You’ve been just kinda… Standing there for like 5 minutes, are you okay?”

“...Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, Noya. Let’s get going.” He put on a smile, but it must’ve been more like a grimace from the way Noya reacted. It’s hard faking emotion when you’re wearing someone elses face.

Luckily, Noya dropped it, and they walked together to the gym together.

They tripped frequently, all awkward limbs and sheepish smiles.

Together.

******

Noya isn’t… maybe “flat” is the best way to describe what people think of him- Always happy. Always energetic. Always watching the ladies. Always has our back. He knows he exaggerates his emotions, wears his heart on his sleeve, but… He has edges AND curves, kinda, he’s not ALWAYS anything. He has TEXTURE, and depth. He’s a PERSON, not a picture. 

So when he wakes up as Asahi, it’s not graceful. Not even close. He panicked, to make the long story short, panicked when his chest was too heavy, his limbs too tired, panicked when his too-long fingers brushed his too long hair, panicked when the person in the mirror was… Not. Him. It’s hard to describe how it feels, the disconnect that happens. As if he were in a foreign country and all his money was useless and everything was unfamiliar and he couldn’t even ask for help because he didn’t speak the language and all of the knowledge he collected his whole life wasn’t helpful at all. As if he leapt over some massive cliff when he saw his reflection, except with his new body he can’t jump and he’s helpless like a little baby because WHAT THE HELL IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN HE’S IN ASAHI’S BODY?

He searched for Asahi’s phone, because he wasn’t willing to believe that the real Asahi had just…Disappeared, or something. There was no way. And there was only one other place he’d gone.

Finding it easily enough (it was visible in his backpack pocket, which was a fucking relief), he called Asahi, and distracted himself from his feelings by helping Asahi with his own, bantering as usual to make everything still be okay, everything is fine, nothing is wrong why would anything be wrong? Noya is just fine, just fine, he’s chipper, happy, fucking JOYOUS.

Emotions don’t matter unless you let them. They don’t DO anything unless you act on them, and acting on your emotions just means pain.

So Noya didn’t act on his discomfort. It’s better for everyone.

Instead, he kept up his charade until he almost believed that everything was fine. Anyways, Asahi was panicking enough for the both of them, he doesn’t have to.

It’s better for everyone.


	3. Hair Gel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tentacle rape and a very confused captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m REALLY fucking enjoying this, hope you’re having as much fun reading it as I am writing it!!!

Asahi was acting kinda off as they headed to the gym, his eyes were fixed in front of him, and his trembled a little. It wasn’t uncalled for, though- Again, they switched bodies, the reaction is merited. But it feels like it might be more than that. He looks SAD. And Noya doesn’t want Asahi to be sad at all.

“Hey, Asahi, cheer up!” he said, voice as bright as he could possibly make it. “You don’t wanna go and make my face that mopey, it’ll hold and that’d be a weird look for me.”

Asahi froze, then… Smiled? Is that what it was supposed to be? He looked like he was in pain, his face was all contorted, stretched in directions it shouldn’t be at all.

And, let’s talk about his face for a minute. Noya had laughed at Asahi, but he probably wouldn’t have recognized himself if it weren’t for the section of hair he’d bleached. It was true, he looked really different from the outside. He was all pointy, and he didn’t look that young, he DIDN’T. It just felt weird, once more. It was a weird sort of morning.

They arrived at the gym doors, then headed to the locker room. Then they walked into the locker room. Then they walked to their lockers, right next to each other. Then they opened their lockers. And then, finally, Asahi stalled.

“It’s fine, Asahi,” Noya said cheerfully. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked already, this isn’t any different.” It wasn’t different. It wasn’t. It wa-

Noya started changing, and it was different. More personal. Because he was actually inside of Asahi (not like that). But he just kept his movements as mechanical as possible, and ignored it.

Both dressed, they walked over to the mirror, as they did every day, to check their hair. Of course, neither had done their hair yet, so they were a mess. Noya’s hair was still frizzy and bedraggled, and Asahi’s hung limp in his eyes.

“Hey Asahi, wanna try something new?” Noya asked easily.

Asahi turned towards him, expression blank. “It really depends on what this new thing is. Cuddle a chihuahua? Sure. Eat a chihuahua? No. Murder children? No. Save children from a fire? Maybe, it depends how bad the fire is.”

Noya laughed, genuine this time. “Nothing THAT adventurous- But why don’t we switch our hairstyles, too?”

“...I’m confused, Noya. Do you mean switch them for our minds? So they’d still be the same as usual, but different people wearing them? Or my body wearing your hairstyle, and yours wearing mine, and they still line up as usual with our personalities?”

He paused, considering. “Well, I was THINKNG the second one, but either way works. What do you wanna do?”

“The second one,” said Asahi. “I hate the feeling of hair gel.” He shivered, imagining the slimy goop dripping from his skull, a single citrus-scented drop landing on his thigh, then tracing down slowly, reminiscent of a tentacle caressing him suggestively. He shook the thought off. “But I need to brush my body’s hair- I don’t trust you not to rip half of it off with the comb and then the comb will break and that would be very bad.”

Noya seemed confused, but he nodded, and Asahi walked over. “Noya, you’re absurdly short, I’m gonna need you to sit down so I can actually reach your hair.”

He sat, obediently, and handed the comb to Asahi. He watched in the mirror as his body moved, while Asahi sat still, and it was still wrong and he couldn’t pretend he was ok when he saw that so he closed his eyes, and felt the comb running across his scalp. It was much softer than he imagined it would feel, although he didn’t know why he was surprised- This was Asahi, the gentle giant who hopped on the sidewalk to avoid crushing ants. He melted into the touch. 

It stopped, and he opened his eyes. The hair had been tamed, and it hadn’t taken more than a few minutes! That was crazy, it had been so messy before!!! 

Asahi handed him his hair gel. “Do what you want, Noya,” he said, resigned.

Noya hesitated. “I don’t actually HAVE to gel your hair if you don’t want me to! We can leave it down if you want, it looks nice like this.” He blushed. And it was very visible. So much so that it caught his eye in the mirror. Usually when Noya was embarrassed it didn’t show up on his cheeks, it had saved him from countless awkward situations but now he was blushing, fuck, stop it cheeks!!

Asahi took in the cheeks, then put on another ‘smile’. “There’s no need to be ashamed, Noya, I’m alright with you gelling my hair, really.”

/I’m not ashamed, you’ve got it wrong./

“Thanks, Asahi, I’ll do that then!”

******

Once Asahi & Noya were appropriately dressed, hair looking absolutely absurd (Noya’s hair wasn’t long enough for a bun so it was pulled back in a ponytail, and no matter how much gel Noya used Asahi’s hair just WOULDN’T STAND UP so he settled for spiking it a bit), they headed down to the gym to do what they came there for originally- To play volleyball.

“Okay, Asahi, let’s see that serve!!” Noya said, bouncing enthusiastically in a way that really didn’t suit his new appearance.

“Shouldn’t I be playing the way you do, though? It seems li-”

“No, I wanna be libero!! No matter how tall I am, that’ll always be my position!!!”

Asahi considered. He was… nervous, about playing as usual- People would see something was off for sure. But, on the other hand, it was the shark apocalypse so nothing even mattered any more, and if it made Noya happy…

“Alright,” he said, “but I’m not sure how good of an ace I can be in your body…”

He regretted it instantly when he saw the overblown annoyance on Noya’s (his) face… But just as quickly, the anger vanished (Noya was either really great at hiding his emotions or not angry anymore, because that took SKILL to do with someone elses expressions). “Well, your big fat hands aren’t very good for getting close saves, either.” And Noya hmphed.

He actually

He just

He just made a hmph sound, who does that?

“Anyways, Asahi- Serve already!!!”

So Asahi did.

It didn’t even make it over the net.

They kept practicing, not taking any breaks, and they gradually got the hang of it. Although they didn’t have the right muscle memory, and their limbs were still the wrong size, arms are arms and they’d learned those moves before. Eventually, they got good enough that it could be passed off as just a normal, off day.

And then, at 7, Suga and Daichi walked in together.

******  
Now, Daichi may not be the smartest person around, but he’s certainly not STUPID. He’d like to think he can be pretty intelligent when he wants to. And you don’t have to be clever in the least to notice that something’s wrong when you walk into the gym and your best friend is poorly receiving the ball (which is weird enough in and of itself) with his hair gelled up.

Asahi HATES hair gel.

Like, seriously, that and sharks could’ve killed his mother, from the way he talks about them. Something about tentacle monsters- Daichi always teased him about his dirty mind. (It was warranted, because who goes from hair gel to tentacle rape? Honestly.)

And then there’s Noya, hair pulled low in a ponytail (he used the gel for height, WHY ISN’T IT GELLED?!), who froze in… Is that fear? Is Noya even capable of fear? What the fuck. Yep, Noya is also off. 

“Good morning! You 2 are here early!!” Suga beamed as usual, but Daichi can see the confusion in his eyes. He doesn’t know what’s going on, either.

“Yeah!! We just wanted to get some extra practice in- No time to slack off!!!!” said...Asahi? That was Asahi talking… Right? Was he ever that exuberant? (see? Daichi knows big words. He IS smart).

Noya cleared his throat loudly, then glanced at Asahi very pointedly. Asahi paused. “OH!!... Daichi, your face is so scary! I’m sorry… Noya and I were just making up for lost time. Remember that time when I ran off like a wimp for a few weeks? Now we’re fixing it!”

Noya’s annoyance has faded into exasperation, and mortification. Only now, seeing so many new ones at once, is Daichi realizing how few emotions he’s seen Noya operating under… Let’s see, there was joy, excitement, infatuation… And anger and dejectedness, but only once. Only during that fight with Asahi had he shown any negative emotion at all. Was that normal?

“ANYWAYS,” Noya says, “we’re just gonna get back to practicing, if that’s alright…”

“Of course! Don’t mind us!!” Suga replied quickly, then ushered Daichi to the locker room.

“They definitely slept together last night!”

Whatever Daichi was expecting, it wasn’t this.

“Koushi, WHY.”

“I’m sorry, Daichi, but it’s just so obvious! They both got here early, they’re acting weird around each other- They switched their HAIR PRODUCTS, for Christ’s sake, I don’t think Asahi even owns hair gel!!! Not to mention, they’ve been pining for MONTHS! Who pines for months? It’s absurd. They need to just man up and confess already, seriously.”

Daichi, who has been pining for over 2 years now, blushes faintly and rubs the back of his neck. “Suga, there’s something I should probably tell you.”

Suga’s eyes turn upwards, then return to Daichi. “Ok? Go ahead.”

“Well-”

“Good MORNING, everyone!!” Tanaka ran into the locker room, and Daichi cursed and thanked the gods at once. “Did you notice Noya’s new hairstyle? It’s SO COOL, isn’t it?!!!”

Daichi smooths out his frown. “Yes. So cool. Very cool. Thanks for your input, Tanaka, I’m so happy you’re here right now.”

Suga looks at him appraisingly as Tanaka replies. “I’m happy I’m here right now, too!! Man, being alive is the BEST, amirite?”

“Yes, yes, the best. How about we just go play volleyball?” Daichi asks, trying to mask his desperation. 

“FUCK YEAH!!!” Tanaka yelled, and exponentially increased the speed at which he switched into his volleyball clothes.

Asahi and Noya were far out of Daichi’s mind.

******

...Until volleyball practice actually started. 

“NICE RECEIVE, HINATA!!” Asahi was bouncing off the walls, grinning wide. It looked threatening on him, like he was baring his teeth at an enemy dog. Noya walked over, poked Asahi, and then backed away. 

And then, those 2 started to actually play and what the fuck. What the ACTUAL fuck.

Nishinoya (!!!) stepped up to serve in the back. He’s a libero. Libero’s aren’t allowed to serve.

“Nishinoya-” Daichi started, but he was already serving. And the serve was…

It was fucking BEAUTIFUL. It landed at the perfect spot between Tsukishima and Tanaka- Close enough that if it were anyone else, it would be Tsukki’s ball, but with him being such a poor receiver, Tanaka tried to cover. They collided, and the ball hit the floor, giving Noya’s team a clean point.

Except that he was a libero. And libero’s aren’t allowed to serve.

Daichi looked at Suga, raising an eyebrow. /Should we stop him?/

Suga smirked, then raised his eyebrows. /You’re the captain, what do you think?/

Daichi nodded, and considered his options... He’d let Noya keep playing how he was now- It doesn’t hurt for one practice, and he was… Really good at this, actually, it was kinda unfair. 

But then, there was the other weird thing. Asahi was playing as a libero.

Granted, he was actually pretty good, but his hand wasn’t getting under the balls that were close to the floor, and he kept tripping over his feet for some reason? Wait, now Noya’s tripping too and okay something’s definitely wrong.

And Noya’s still playing as a wing spiker but it’s not working, he can’t really reach over the net well at all because he’s really short. It’s a lot easier to forget when he’s playing libero, but really… He’s so tiny! 

So overall, practice was a mess and Daichi was very confused. Confused enough to abuse his power as captain. 

“Asahi, Noya, stay after for a few minutes today.” The pair looked up on their way to the lockers, then turned back.

“What’s up, Daichi?” asked Asahi. ASAHI. He had to get to the bottom of this.

“Well… What’s wrong with you two?” Crap, he’d meant to phrase that better, was Asahi-

No, Asahi was CACKLING, while Noya looked at the ground, blushing. Daichi gaped. His mouth dropped open, and moved in a way quite reminiscent of a fish.  
This is not normal.

“DID YOU ACTUALLY SLEEP TOGETHER?!” 

Asahi started choking, and Noya? He blinked once. Twice. Then fell flat on his face.

“Oh shit, Asa- shit, NOYA, you okay?” Asahi was frantic, shaking Noya’s shoulders roughly. “Is this because of the shark apocalypse too?!” 

Noya blinked awake, moaned out ‘shaarks’, then fainted again. 

Aaaaaaand that was the bell. 

Daichi considered for a moment, then decided he could care less- Missing ONE PERIOD of class was a small price to pay to take care of his unconscious friend.

They were going to have a nice, long talk, right now.

He turned back to Asahi & Noya…

Only to find them gone.

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daichi only calls Suga ‘Koushi’ when he’s annoyed, for emphasis.
> 
> Next time- I’m not sure, actually!! Anything you guys want to see? Let me know in the comments and it might show up!


	4. Picking up chicks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which school happens, and Noya keeps up a lot better than expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very happy with how this one turned out- I think I set up some of the things I’m planning on bringing up later in the story pretty well! I’d be interested to hear any predictions you guys have!!

Noya ran swiftly, lugging Asahi behind him (Asahi’s body was crazy strong, and he was SO LIGHT too). Despite his poor grades, he had never once skipped class- It’s just that everything was said weirdly, and it was way more complicated than it had to be. Like, in math right now they were doing proofs. Why do you need to prove it when it’s OBVIOUS that it works? Of course cross multiplication is a good method, it’s like… Half of something is gonna be divided by twice as much. It’s common sense, why do you need to prove it?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Noya is sprinting to his first period. He slides into his seat JUST as the second bell rings. For some reason people are staring- Oh. Right. He still has Asahi over his shoulder. This is awkward.

“Should I-” he starts, only to be interrupted.

“Thank you for bringing Nishinoya here, sir, but you aren’t permitted to attend a class you’re not enrolled in,” says Mr. Barnes, the math teacher.

“What do you- OH! Oh, right, of course… Would you happen to know what my first period class is?”

Luckily, Asahi wakes up at that moment. He begins to whisper. “A103, D227, A204, C119, C208.”

“Never mind, Mr. Barnes!! I’m going to go now! Thank you for your time!” He bows, then runs out the door.

Mr. Barnes is left confused as to why a delinquent deposited his unconscious student at his desk (no, that was explainable- They were probably in a gang together, and had just had a skirmish with an enemy school, leaving Nishinoya knocked out and needing to be lugged to class), forgot his class schedule (no, no, the delinquent skipped class so much he didn’t remember. But then why was he going now?), immediately remembered his class schedule (?), KNEW HIS NAME (???!!), and then left with a polite bow.

This was a story for the teachers lounge, for sure.

******

“A103, D227, A204, C119, C208. A103, D227, A204, C119, C208. A103, D227, A204, C119, C208. A108, D227, A204, C119, C208.” Noya muttered the numbers under his breath ritualistically as he ran again, this time to the correct classroom.

“A103, D227, A204, C119, C208. A103, D227-” Wait, that was A103 right there. He turned around, then dashed through the door.

“I’m sorry I’m late!!” He squeezed his eyes, shut, preparing for whatever verbal lashing he was about to receive.

“That’s quite alright, Asahi. You’re such a responsible boy, I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Noya nodded frantically, walked head ducked to the only open desk, and then glanced around the classroom. The desks were larger than the ones he was accustomed to, and the walls were pale blue. There were tasteful posters hung around, with excerpts about Fibonacci appearing in nature, the Golden Ratio, and how patterns and geometric theory relate to M. C. Escher’s work… And this was odd, the words were so still and clear, he could read them easily, huh. At the front of the room was a young woman wearing light jeans and a loose plaid shirt, hair down.

“Now as I was saying, you’re nearing the end of your high school careers. It can be scary, knowing that you’ll have to be in charge of much more of your life than you’ve been before. One of the most important things you’ll need to keep track of is money. I assume that you’ve all heard plenty about Japan’s population decline?”

Noya knew about that! “Yeah! It’s like, people are focusing on jobs more than kids and stuff so there’s less babies! And then, with less babies then we’re gonna stop having enough people for all the jobs. Right?”

“Exactly, Asahi! But consider- With everyone focusing on careers rather than children…”

“Then you need to be REALLY skilled to get a job!!” he finished.

“Yeah! And THAT,” she said, eyes glittering, “is why you need to keep up your grades- In order to get a good job when it’s such a competitive environment!! And it’s also why you need to be well informed about money. Even if you get a pretty good job, it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t know how to invest what you make. Which brings us to our topic- Compound interest rates!”

It was the most interesting, engaging class Noya had ever been in. When he asked questions during the lecture, rather than being told to wait for the end, the teacher engaged in conversation. She explained why the math mattered, and showed them shortcuts they could use- They didn’t even have to do proofs that the shortcuts worked first! Because it was all common sense! Noya walked out of that math class having learned more in an hour than he had since the beginning of high school.

The trend continued into Themes & Short Stories. They discussed the evolution of symbols and their emotional value, and read poems to practice identifying symbolism. The words didn’t swim on the page like they usually did, and the teachers applauded his comments rather than chiding him to ‘listen, this is why you aren’t absorbing the material, Nishinoya.” The professor even complimented his new hair style!

He loved school that day, and was in a great mood as he headed to lunch.

...Oh, shit, LUNCH. Who did Asahi usually sit with? They had the same lunch period, but never sat together because of the grade divide. Noya always slipped outside, and climbed the old oak tree just to escape stern glares and empty chatter. For some reason he didn’t feel the need to today.

Noya was saved from making a guess when he realized someone was calling his name. “Noya! NOYAAAA!!!” 

Tanaka was standing across the courtyard, shouting out for him, so he ran over. “What’s up, Ryuu? See any hot chicks around?”

Tanaka stared. Why was he staring? Did he forget to wear pants again? He glanced downwards and ohhhhh, shit, right, he was Asahi right now. Fuck this is bad.

“...Because if there are any baby chickens overheating, we should really move them inside,” he finished weakly, eyes averted.

Tanaka squinted, obviously not convinced. “Is everything okay, man? I know we don’t talk much, but… You can talk to me about anything, you know. If anything’s wrong…”

Fuck, fuck, FUCK, Noya had to do something to fix this… Just keep talking. He’s good at spouting bullshit, he makes excuses for his bruises & staying in the gym excessively late on the daily. “Well, see, I was reading about a chicken farm this morning, it just went through an awful fire and it was so sad, the mother died so now there’s no one to take care of the little chicks and…” He forced a single tear out of his eye “It’s just so tragic and I want to make sure it never happens again. The babies were so young, Tanaka. So YOUNG!!”

“Dude… That’s so COOL!! I didn’t think you were that caring of a guy, bro, up top!!” 

Of COURSE Asahi was that kind of person- He was so gentle and kind, he could melt hearts with his big puppy dog eyes. He was about to tell Tanaka so when he realized that there was no way Asahi would say something like that in a million years. Instead, he high fived Tanaka as lightly as possible and called a timid smile to his lips.

“Okay, man, it was great talking to you, but I gotta go find Noya. Good luck saving all those chickens!!!”

“Wait!” Tanaka turned at Noya’s call. “Is it alright if I tag along?” Because honestly, as great as Asahi’s classes had been, they should probably conference or something.

“Sure, man, you don’t have to ask me,” Tanaka replied. “I don’t own the guy.” Noya felt a new surge of affection for Ryuu- He was surprisingly chivalrous, a real stand up guy once you get past his obsession with women’s figures. Noya didn’t deserve a friend that great. He tugged his friend into a tight, manly embrace.

“Oh,” said Tanaka, “oh, are we- Ok, man, cool.”

Noya let go abruptly because he was stiLL ASAHI, FUCK THIS BODY SWAP IT WAS SO FUCKING HARD. 

“Sorry, Ryuu,” he said sheepishly, tucking a spike of hair back behind his ear.

“Wait, you’re calling me Ryuu now? When did this start?” Noya blushed, because obviously he shouldn’t be trusted to converse with anyone. He was just. So done.

“Who knows? Anyways, let’s go find Asa- Noya!”

Somehow, even after that trainwreck, Tanaka allowed Noya to follow him along as he looked for Asahi.

And then Tanaka paled.

“Noya? What the fuck happened to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Asahi suffers. But that’s kinda to be expected by now, isn’t it?
> 
> Also, just thought I’d mention I’m writing a Kagehina soulmate au if you’re at all interested. It’s called ‘Ok but why not wrestle a gorilla’, check it out! (shameless plug ended)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, have a great day!!


	5. Scratches on his arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi has the Shittiest of days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for panic attacks. If you don’t want to read that, you’re probably best off skipping this chapter (I’ll leave a summary in the end notes for anyone who wants it!)
> 
> This chapter is really different from the others so far, let me know what you think!

Asahi knew it was going to be an awful day from the moment he saw Noya’s face in the mirror, but somehow he didn’t expect it to be THIS bad.

First of all, fainting? NOT a pleasant experience. 0/10, would not recommend. Just don’t try it, really.

And then, when Asahi wakes up, he has to recite his class numbers offhand. He was GROGGY, and he barely even remembered his room numbers normally- he knew where they were, so why would he need the number any more? Apparently, to read out to his crush as he walked around pretending to be Asahi. This is his life now.

And the classes- the classes were just… SO BAD. First period, Mr. Barnes was teaching proofs… At least, he called it teaching. In reality, it was closer to reading the textbook aloud and doing math problems, while he happened to be in front of a room of students. And the other kids… Most of them weren’t even TRYING, and honestly? Asahi didn’t blame them. It was obvious that literally no one in the room wanted to be there, so nothing got done. Even Asahi, who was a third year taking the most advanced math class, had trouble paying attention. His leg was jiggling with excess energy, he just couldn’t stand sitting there any more!

Next, he had English… But he had trouble getting there, seeing as Noya never gave HIM the rooms he’d be going to, because why would Asahi need something like that? Better just make the whole ordeal harder and leave Asahi wandering into random classrooms until he got the right one. As he FINALLY stepped into the correct room, he resolved to track Noya down during lunch (oh god, did Noya even have the same lunch as Asahi did? He’d never seen him, what if he doesn’t? No, of course he doesn’t, he would’ve seen him at SOME point if he did, what the hell was he gonna do? Wait, this is the wrong time to think about this, he needed to sit down for class).

“Are you even listening to me, Nishinoya?” Asahi shook his head, because he hadn’t been, and opened his mouth to issue an apology.

“Really, Mr. Yuu, you should know better than this. Coming late to class is just the start. Next thing you know, you’ll start skipping. Then your grades will start to drop. Although,” the teacher said with a smirk, “it’d be pretty difficult for them to get any lower than they are now.” 

And the class  
all  
laughed  
and Asahi  
can’t  
be here  
he  
can’t  
do  
this  
he  
just  
wants  
to  
shrivel  
up  
and  
stop

being

it’s 

too

much

So he hunches his shoulders  
and walks towards his seat  
and hears the class jeering  
just echoes in his head it’s just  
echoes just echoes don’t listen it’s  
not real it’s just echoes just echoes  
just voices and words can’t hurt  
they can’t he’s a man he should be  
better be stronger be  
smarter because now the words are swimming  
why are words swimming  
they’re not fishes  
words aren’t fishes but they’re both swimming  
and the voices keep playing in his head  
and he’s not enough to feed them  
they’re hungry  
hungry voices, hungry fishes, hungry hungry words  
and you shouldn’t be eating humans now  
because I’d get stuck in your throat  
and please just let me go  
I have no wife and children waiting  
and I don’t want a wife or children  
I just want Noya  
why Noya  
why not a pretty girl with pretty skin  
and fingers that thread through my hair  
because it’s wrong  
it’d eat me up  
the world is hungry too  
and the words are still swimming the voices are still ringing the teacher is talking but it’s not real words because words swim now and the teacher’s not swimming, and the not-words she says taste like lead in his ears and it’s bitter and force fed and he’s not okay he needs to get away he needs to get away he neEDS TO gET awAY AND RUN

So he gets up

And he runs

******

Asahi doesn’t skip class much, he doesn’t know where people will look. So he runs outside because the world is hungry and most people don’t want to be eaten alive.

He finds a worn tree. Its bark scratches him like dreams. It draws blood from his forearm and blood means death but that’s okay everyone’s just dead men walking anyways.

And he’s still Noya and the Why and How escape him. He’s just not him anymore. Does him even exist? The mind is abstract, his consciousness can’t be measured, he and Noya could’ve just gone insane at the same time. He’s insane isn’t he? He feels insane, but he’s not hungry so he’ll be okay. He just has to stay away. He can live in the tree with the robins that flutter they’ll ask him to join them but then see he lacks wings and they’ll peck him and peck but they’re just robins he’ll live, and his meat will be scrambled but meat’s to be eaten, we’re all just food for the beasts and why hasn’t anyone noticed?

He’s not okay.

He’s really not okay.

So he curls himself up in his own little bubble up high where the starving animals can’t reach (they’ll thirst and hunger and die all alone why not feed them) he’ll stay where the animals can’t reach and he’ll breathe because everyone says that breathing’s important and his breath is so fast it’s coming in waves like the ocean’s here too just to get his corpse first but the animals need it to live you can’t have it and-

He’s not okay.

He’s really not okay.

What did his therapist say he should do when he smelled salt in his breath and smelled rot in his flesh and it’s too much he covers his nose and his nose is too pointy it shouldn’t be this pointy and that’s what she said she said breathe, breathe slower. Breathe slower. Slower.

Breathe in.

(is he real? Is he dead? Is he anything?)

And out.

(They all laughed it’s not real it’s not real)

In.

(And the teachers are crueler than children)

And out.

(And the children are cruel already)

In.

(Does he have anything that’s worth having?)

And out.

(Does he have any reason to li-

“Noya? What the fuck happened to you?”

There were voices again and they were loud they were SO LOUD they were pounding but it was okay because he knew these voices it’s okay it’s okay you’re gonna be okay Asahi come here and he felt something soft and he smelled home like his mother it smelled like his hot summer days when his dad wasn’t home smelled like strawberries and cream and kisses and autumn it smelled like safe he was safe it’s okay.

And it was a little less harsh, a little better, a little sweeter.

And it was going to be okay.

******

Tanaka wasn’t the type to worry.

He lived in the moment, he rode the dips and swells of life as they came, because nothing but the present actually exists. He was completely and totally himself because who else would he be? He didn’t listen to people saying “impossible” because you never know until you try. He was free, and it was actually really fucking cool. Life’s pretty great when you do what you want.

But, even though all of that is true, he was really worried now.

Something was wrong with Asahi, first of all. Because why the fuck would they have had that conversation earlier if there wasn’t anything going on? Asahi never talked to him one on one, really, they just weren’t close. And that DEFINITELY wasn’t what he would’ve said if he did. It was really fucking strange, Tanaka had no clue what could’ve made him act like that.

That wasn’t his main concern, though. No.

His main concern was Noya. 

Because Noya obviously wasn’t okay.

He and Asahi found him curled into a ball, in the low branches of the old oak tree he always ate lunch at (Tanaka hated that he ate there, all alone, but Noya said he liked the quiet). He was hyperventilating, and his eyes were open too wide and his arms were bright white where his nails dug in and there was blood on them too. It was scary, seeing him like this again. Noya never let his fear to the surface unless something was very, very wrong.

But Asahi knew exactly what to do. He speaks softly as he climbs the tree.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay, Asahi, come here.” ...Asahi? Why would Asahi refer to NOYA as Asahi? Does anyone misspeak that oddly?

Asahi pulls Noya into a hug, really gentle, the way he does everything. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Asahi. It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.”

And Noya’s breathing slows gradually, and it seems like he ran out of tears. He breathes. Noya is okay. 

But Tanaka is still worried.

Tanaka has never been very good at schoolwork. He hates sitting in a desk, and he hates learning things he’ll never need to know. But he knows people, and he notices more than anyone realizes. He noticed that Noya’s smiles are too plastic today- He’s better at pretending than that. He noticed that Asahi and Noya changed their hairstyles. He noticed Noya playing as a wing spiker (and that was maybe the weirdest thing out of all of this- Noya said he’d always be libero, no matter his height and wait a minute Asahi played libero today and could…)

Tanaka Ryuunosuke does what he wants, and doesn’t listen when people say things are impossible.

So he walks up, places a hand on Asahi’s shoulder, and asks. Because there’s no such thing as impossible.

“...Noya?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Sumary: Asahi takes Noya’s classes, and is frustrated bc they’re really poorly taught. He comes in late to English, and is embarrassed by the teacher. He’s also disturbed by the fact that the words in the book aren’t staying still. All of this, on top of the fact that he’s in Noya’s body, leads him to break down and run out of class. He goes to the oak tree Noya eats lunch at, and continues to panic until Noya and Tanaka find him. Noya comforts Asahi, and Tanaka finally puts together that maybe... Is that person in Noya’s body actually Asahi?
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter: Tanaka confronts Noya and Asahi!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I’d just like to thanks all of you that commented, it means a ton!!! Thanks for reading this story, more coming soon!!


	6. Hopeless crushes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally take a break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little shorter chapter this time, but I think it turned out pretty well!!

Warning to anyone considering trading bodies in the future: Be vigilant when you’re comforting your panicking friends, as you tend to be understandably distracted in those instances.

“...Noya?” said Tanaka hesitantly.

“Ryuu, can’t you see that I’m busy now?” he hissed under his breath.

And there was silence.

And then, Tanaka started laughing.

“Are you serious? You’re not fucking with me right now? Holy shit. Hooooooooooly SHIT!!”

“WHAT, Ryuu?” said Noya, angry this time.

“You’re Noya, right?” 

“No shit, Sherlock,” said Noya. “Now what’s… OH. Oh, right. That.”

“Yeeeeeeaaah,” Tanaka replied, grin still dancing on his lips.

“Any chance you’re gonna forget I just said that?” 

“Nope, no way, you’re gonna have to explain everything to me. I’m not letting you worm your way out of this one!!”

“Fair enough,” Noya sighed, “just… Let me take care of Asahi first.”

Tanaka started. “Right- That’s not you, Noya, panicking, that’s Asahi panicking as you. So it IS you panicking but not really, it’s really Asahi making you panic. What the fuck.”

“Yeah, I’ve been dealing with that shit all day. Just let it go.”

They both turned to look at the aforementioned party. His cheeks were stained with tears, his arms bloodied, but he looked better. His eyes were closed, his breathing even.

“Hey, Asahi, you awake?” asked Noya.

“Yeah,” Asahi mumbled.

“Wanna talk with Ryuu?”

“Not yet.”

“Wanna just stay here for a while?”

He nodded.

And so they did just that.

******

By some unspoken agreement, none of them paid attention to the time. Class could wait. The clouds drifted softly through the sky, and the sun had moved noticeably by the time any of them moved.

Eventually, Asahi sat up, moving from Noya’s lap to sitting next to him.. He tapped Noya’s arm gently.

“Better?” Noya asked, a small smile lifting his (Asahi’s, and yes it was still weird) face.

Asahi grunted an affirmative, then turned towards Tanaka. “I assume you had some questions?”

“If it’s alright for me to ask,” he said hesitantly, still careful of Asahi after seeing him laid bare. 

“Go ahead,” Asahi smiled.

“Okay, so firstly… What the fuck?” Tanaka figured it was a good idea to start with a wide question, and then fill in the blanks once they finished explaining.

“I’ll tell him, Asahi,” Noya grinned. “So, this morning I wake up, right?” Tanaka nods, and wonders if he’s gonna go through everything this way. “But my arms… My arms, bro, my arms were way too long. So I’m in bed thinking ‘what the fuck,’ and then I walk to the mirror and I see Asahi and I’m like, ‘WHAT THE FUCK’. So I call my phone and he’s in my body too. And we realized we switched bodies because of the shark apocalypse-”

“Dude, hold up,” Tanaka interrupts. “Shark apocalypse?”

“Yeah, shark apocalypse,” he confirms.

“AWESOME!!!”

“That’s what I said!!” Noya glows. “So then we went to school and stuff, and then Asahi panicked and now we’re here. Did I miss anything, Asahi?”

“Nothing I can think of,” the other said quietly.

“Okay, so, I have a couple more questions,” Tanaka said.

“Shoot.” Noya challenged.

“First of all, what kind of sharks? And how did they start the apocalypse?”

“Oooh, good one, Ryuu! I’m not sure!! Asahi?”

“They’re anthropomorphic sharks,” Asahi replied, “and they’re starting the apocalypse by allying with the mafia. They made us switch bodies using their mind powers.” If he were just a little bit more alert, he might have noticed how absurd this sounded, but right now he was so exhausted he could barely think. He leaned his head onto Noya’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Tanaka conceded, “but what KIND of sharks? Hammerhead sharks? Great white sharks? Um…” He glanced at Noya for help.

“Whale sharks?” Noya contributed.

“But wait, aren’t whale sharks not real sharks or something?” he wondered.

“No,” Noya corrected, “they are real sharks, they’re not actual WHALES, that’s probably what you were thinking of.”

Asahi decided that this discussion had gone on long enough. “It doesn’t matter what kind of sharks it is, the world is ending! Are you not bothered in the least about that?”

Tanaka froze. “Wait- Apocalypse means the end of the world?!??!!!”

“Yes.”

He sprung to his feet. “Sorry guys, we’ll finish this conversation later. There’s something I’ve gotta do!!!”

Asahi watched him run off towards the school building, and pondered. What else did he need to get done before he died? Say goodbye to his mother… Win the spring tournament… Kiss Noya… 

He turned towards the other boy. Was it worth it, to go after what he wanted in their last hours together? Or should he savor what they had rather than throw it all to ruin? There was also the issue of Noya being in his body right now- Would the kiss be _weird?_

Asahi had never been a risk taker, there was no need to change that now. Noya, on the other hand…

He shifted uncomfortably. “Isn’t there anything you want to do before the world ends, Noya?”

Noya hummed considerately, taking a moment to think. “Play as much volleyball as possible!!! And spend time with you, Asahi!”

He fought off a blush, because obviously Noya meant that in a _completely platonic way_ , calm down.

“Don’t you want to say goodbye to anyone? Your family?”

Noya’s face darkened, then quickly smoothed over. “Goodbyes are overrated! Better to just live in the moment.” He grinned, but it wasn’t quite right.

“Noya… What are your parents like?”

“They’re normal. My mom’s a cashier, and my dad works in real estate. Let’s talk about something less boring, though! What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever tried?” Noya was becoming noticeably desperate in his efforts to change the topic, and that couldn’t be a good sign but it was the apocalypse so it didn’t matter and if Noya didn’t want to talk they wouldn’t talk.

“Chicken with mayonnaise.”

“REALLY? That’s it? I mean, I guess I should’ve expected, considering you’re you, but that’s not weird at all!”

And as the 2 lounged in the sunlight and talked the day away, Asahi was content with what he had.

It would just be better if Noya loved him back.

******

So, it would be a lot better if the world wasn’t ending. Tanaka would rather not die, thank you very much.

But he lives in the moment so he’s not gonna dwell on it- Skip all that ‘stages of grief’ bullshit and do what you wanna do when you have time!! Really, he should be glad that he got some warning that sharks were gonna kill everyone. 

He considered calling Saeko, but decided the conversation he wanted to have would be better done in person. He had until this evening to live at least… Right?

So he ran to the other person he most wanted to see and dashed outside their classroom (it was lucky that they shared a class this period, otherwise he would’ve had to wait!) 

“CHIKARA!” he shouted as he burst through the door… Then noticed the entire room was staring at him and MAYBE he should’ve thought this out a little more because Ennoshita definitely wouldn’t appreciate this.

“...Never mind,” he mumbled, adequately embarrassed, and walked sullenly out to the hallway again.

It could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Ennoshita arrives!!! And the trio gets a desperately-needed outside opinion.


	7. Coming out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka and Ennoshita run a lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wellp, there’s no Asanoya in this chapter, but I think I made up for it! Enjoy :D

Ennoshita woke up expecting a perfectly normal day. It should’ve been a _perfectly normal day_.

But then the day started to go awry. First they were out of normal milk, so he had to put his sister’s strawberry milk on his cereal- He HATES strawberries. Then Asahi and Noya started being all weird. And just now, Tanaka Ryuunosuke stormed into his classroom, shouted his name, and then left dejectedly.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke is never dejected. NEVER. He greets Kiyoko’s rejection with joy at being acknowledged, for Christ’s sake! Something had to be very wrong.

“I’m-” He pointed at the door, then rushed out after his friend, not bothering to wait for the professors response.

“Tanaka, wait!!” Ennoshita called to his retreating figure.

He didn’t turn around, though, didn’t even look at Ennoshita. He was a ways away… Did he not hear? Secretly thankful for all the extra training from volleyball, he set out at a brisk jog, chasing after Tanaka as he exits the building.

...Which prompted Tanaka to also start jogging and honestly, what the fuck? He just bursts into his class and then DOESN’T want to talk? Tanaka has done some absurd things before, but this whole display might take the cake. 

Ennoshita starts running. So does Tanaka, at a slightly faster pace, and oh it is ON now.

They keep ramping up their speeds until they’re both fucking _sprinting_. He’s not paying attention to where they are, just the pound of his feet and Tanaka’s sweaty back.

Finally, about a century later, Tanaka collapses in the grass by a pond. Ennoshita follows after, laying down next to him.

“What the fuck, Tanaka?” he wheezes, out of breath.

“‘It’s nothin’,” Tanaka responds, and somehow his voice is still soaked with defeat while using as little air as possible.

“Obviously it’s not nothing, if you burst right into class to say something. So once again, what the actual fuck?”

Tanaka sighs (or maybe he’s still just catching his breath, who knows?) and says, in the most exhausted voice Ennoshita has ever heard: “It’s just… The sharks are gonna end the world, so will you go out with me?”

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t this.

His brain

Crashes

How.

Why.

What the fuck.

Where was he even supposed to start?

Seeing Ennoshita’s expression, Tanaka slumps . “I knew this was a bad idea, forget I said anything.”

He startled. “No, wait, we should talk about this. Just… Give me a minute to process.”

There was so much to unpack in that one little sentence, he’s just gonna ask questions as they come to mind- Don’t bother worrying over the order.

“Aren’t you straight?”...Maybe that wasn’t the greatest place to start... 

“I mean, no shit girls are hot,” Tanaka explained, “but… Guys are super hot too, you know?” Ennoshita did know, unfortunately. 

“So you’re bi?”

Tanaka hesitated. “I haven’t really thought about all those labels and stuff. I just like what I like, and that’s it. Not much to it, and research is boring so I just skipped that part.” Was Tanaka… Oh my god, he was blushing. Ennoshita’s heart skipped a beat, and he thanked whatever gods there might be that his face defaults to sleepy.

“And you like… ME?” he asked incredulously.

“Yeah, sorry about that, I-”

Ennoshita cut him off. “I’d love to go out with you, Tanaka.” He looked down, pausing, troubled frown coming to his mouth as he searched for words. “But…” He couldn’t- He-

“It’s okay, Chikara, you don’t have to. I’m sorry. I won’t let this make things awkward between us.” Tanaka looked so dejected, it made him want to wipe the frown off his face with flowers and memories, but…

“It’s not-”

“I said it’s FINE.” There’s something sparkling dark in Tanaka’s eye and no, he doesn’t cry, not Tanaka, this is so, so wrong, this isn’t what he wants. “I’ll be fine.”

And he walked away, leaving Ennoshita alone and empty of everything but a hollow wish.

******

After half an hour or so, Ennoshita decided he’d wallowed in his sorrows long enough. He had to think.

First of all- Shark apocalypse. He has no idea where to start on that, he’d need to ask Tanaka to get any sort of closure on that. Somehow that seems like it wouldn’t work out, who else could know what the hell he was on about?... Noya. He’d ask Noya.

Secondly- What was he going to do about Ryuu? It was such a mess… 

Here’s the thing: Ennoshita’s parents don’t know he’s gay, and he’d rather keep it that way thank you very much. He’d never asked them their thoughts on deviant sexual orientations, but in most regards they were very, very traditional. They kept telling him he needed to get a pretty girlfriend, or he’d end up with some poor, ugly wench. If they didn’t approve of a poor woman, they certainly wouldn’t approve of a man. And Tanaka deserved better than that.

But, how would Ennoshita feel if he went through what Tanaka did? He would be crushed, honestly, and that’s not what he wanted for Tanaka either. He had to explain better. He had to find Ryuu.

To do that, though, he had to work out where the hell he was. It was a pond. There isn’t a pond near their school as far as Ennoshita knows, how far did they run?!

And naturally, he left his backpack at the school with his phone still in it. So he has no way to navigate, either. This is just… Great.

Figuring he’s going to have to move at some point and now is better than later, he starts to walk. He came from that way… Right? Yeah, it was that way. 

There’s no way he’s getting back to the school in time for 5th period.

******

Tanaka had no clue where he was. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was as he ran from Ennoshita, he was just going. 

And why not wander a while? Might as well savor being alive while he still had a chance.

Time flowed as it desired, nothing Tanaka could do to stop it. He let it wash over him as it would. Drenched in years he didn’t have, he swam with its current until, minutes or years later, he saw a coffee shop.

 _I hope they have sprinkles on their mochas_ , he thought, and headed in, because caffeine and sugar make everything better.

A little bell jingled cheerily as he opened the door, causing a young lady behind the counter to glance his way. “One moment!” she smiled, and handed off an appallingly dark drink to one of her coworkers.

“We’ve got a large black coffee!” she called. The young lady beckoned him forward.

After glancing at the menu, Tanaka ordered. “I’ll have a medium white chocolate strawberry mocha, extra strawberry syrup, please. And,” he paused. “Do you have sprinkles?” She nodded. 

“We do!! Would you like some added on top?”

“Yes, please.” He grinned, genuine despite everything, and sat at a table by the window. He wanted to see the clouds move, and watch the faceless people collide. All life is the same, isn’t it? 

He heard a chair screech, and turned his head, still immersed in the product of his melancholy. “Sprinkles, Tanaka?”

And it was Ennoshita, holding a large black coffee.

******

Practice was starting, and Suga was both worried and hysterical.

Worried, because Noya, Asahi, Tanaka AND Ennoshita were missing (and Asahi and Noya have been acting weird all day and if Ennoshita and Tanaka are involved it’s doubtful they’re making out).

Hysterical, because of the face Daichi was making. It was like he was trying to combine ‘concerned father,’ ‘if you’re not in trouble I’ll murder you,’ and ‘captain functioning as usual no need to worry’ into one expression. He looked constipated.

Honestly, hysterical was winning at the moment. Suga cackled as he and Daichi lead the warmups, and Daichi was confused and that just made the face even worse (or better, depending on your perspective)- He was losing it.

If those 4 weren’t back by the end of practice, though, he’ll track them down, and demand to know exactly what happened last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Ennoshita and Tanaka actually have a conversation like normal people. Instead of running around and shouting. They need help someone help them


	8. Bitter Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sprinkles make coffee better #fiteme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Sorry for the wait, I got pretty bored with this scene and school kicked my ass. I had 2 tests apiece for both APWH and preAP English kill me now  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this (admittedly super short I’m sorry) chapter!!

Why was Ennoshita here. What did he do to upset the gods? Couldn’t he at least sulk for a while first? 

All he could do was hope he’d ignore the awkward confession earlier. “Chikara… That coffee looks so bad. Why does it smell so bitter?!” 

_Don’t bring it up, don’t bring it up, don’t bring it up…_

Ennoshita glowered. “It’s because it's brewed with robusta beans. Anyways, you don’t have any room to talk- Sprinkles should not mix with coffee! If you want hot chocolate, get hot chocolate!!”

_Thank fuck_

“The caffeine makes it better, shut the fuck up!!” This was comfortable. This was good. They were still friends, nothing had to change. Nothing had changed.

“Anyways, we need to talk about… Earlier.”

_FUCK_

“Or we could… NOT talk about it. You know, I really like that idea, let’s not talk about that right now. In fact, let’s NEVER talk about it! Ever!!! No, no, even better- Let’s completely forget that happened. Good talk, we discussed it and now it’s DONE. You were saying about my coffee?”

Ennoshita waited for him to stop, then asked just to be sure. “Are you done?”

Tanaka nodded mutely, slumping back in his seat.

“Then I need you to let me talk for 1 minute without interrupting me. Can you do that for me?”

With another nod from Tanaka, Ennoshita began. “Tanaka… First of all, I’m incredibly flattered that you feel that way about me. I can’t begin to imagine WHY, I’m so _plain_ and average, and you’re… Well, you’re YOU.” Tanaka opened his mouth, but a look from Ennoshita had it clamping closed.

“But… My parents…” Ennoshita worried his fingers, searching for words. A strand of hair fell over his eye. How could he possibly… _Just say it, Chikara._ “I’m not out to my parents yet. And I don’t ever want to be, they just… There’s no way it would end well. I can’t be together with you when they’re like that.” He glanced up to see Tanaka gulping the sugary abomination he called coffee at speeds that _had_ to be scorching his mouth.

“Tanaka, why are you doing this?” he asked, bemused annoyance clear in his voice. Tanaka just kept gulping.

“You can talk now,” he offered, and Tanaka set down his mug with a slam. 4 small droplets of white chocolate strawberry mocha with extra sprinkles graced Ennoshita’s forehead. He wiped a drop off his cheek with his index finger… It actually tasted pretty good.

“Fuck, fucking shit, I’m sorry, where…?” Tanaka quickly found some napkins on the table, and wiped at Ennoshita’s forehead roughly. Ennoshita only stared, face a dangerous shade of deadpan. 

Finally, Tanaka noticed. “I’ll just…” He handed Ennoshita the napkins guiltily, staring at a completely ordinary floor tile.

“Talk, Tanaka,” Ennoshita said darkly, dabbing his cheek and leveling the wing spiker with a glare simultaneously.

Tanaka took an audible breath, and Ennoshita braced himself because whatever’s coming is going to be a trip. “Chikara… I don’t give a flying shit that you’re not out unless you do. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to, but- Fuck, I just really like you and I want to be with you for these last few days.”

 _Shit_ , Ennoshita thought to himself. He’d thought that if he just explained why it could never work, Tanaka would just smile and go back to praising the ground Kiyoko walked on. But this… He _really_ liked Tanaka, and Tanaka liked him too, and it would be amazing but it would be awful too and he just couldn’t deal with this right now, it could never work it just couldn’t but he can’t find a reason why.

So he didn’t bother.

He just let Tanaka drop it. It would never work. It couldn’t.

Not when Ennoshita was so… himself.

He didn’t deserve something like this.

“What do you mean, last few days?”

“It’s the sharkpocalypse and we’re all gonna die!!!”

And the previous conversation never happened. “What the hell is a sharkpocalypse?”

Tanaka squinted at him as if he was stupid. “It’s an apocalypse with sharks, duh!”

Ennoshita didn’t know how to deal with this. “No, not duh!! How are sharks going to start the apocalypse?!”

“Well, see, these sharks- They’re really fuckin smart, right? Asahi said they’re, like, antiaphrodisiacs and everything!” So this was Asahi’s fault, huh? Somehow that wasn’t very surprising. “And these shark nerds decide to get help from the mafia to destroy the world- Oh, did you know apocalypse means the end of the world?”

“Everyone knows apocalypse means the end of the world, Tanaka.” 

“Really? Huh. Anyways, the sharks have mind powers and shit too, and the mafia’s the mafia, so we’re pretty much doomed.”

This was… Too much. He needed help. “Tanaka, do you know where Asahi is at the moment?”

“They’re probably still in that tree, yeah. Why?”

“We’re going over there now. Come on.” He grabbed Tanaka’s wrist and yanked him sharply towards the center of the coffee shop. 

“Wait, lemme get a to-go cup!!”

He was SO done.

******

“Chikaraaaaaaaaa,,” Tanaka whined as they left the store, “how are we going to get back to the school? Weren’t we both terribly lost? Hey- Stop walking!! Talk to me!!!”

Ennoshita blandly held up Tanaka’s phone.

Which he had had the entire time.

Honestly, Tanaka would be lost without him.

(He meant figuratively but the literal interpretation works just fine, too).

As Tanaka still looked confused, Ennoshita swiped the phone open (dear God he didn’t even have a passcode) and clicked into Maps. Then, still staring at Tanaka, he deliberately typed.

K-A-R-A-S-U-M-I G-U-F-G-

“Ummm, think you got off by one there, buddy.”

Ennoshita looked down, deleted, and continued.

H-I-G-H-S-C-H-O-O-L

“Happy?” He asked blandly.

“Yep! Let’s go find Noya and Asahi!!!” Tanaka chirped, either not noticing the sarcastic undertone of Ennoshita’s question or choosing to ignore it. Who knows with him?

******

Noya spotted the duo approaching first.

“HEYYYYY, RYUU!! AND ENNOSHITA!! OVER HERE, BRO!!!!”

He waved his arms wildly (which was much more visible now that they were Megasized™️) to beckon them over. It worked, and they diverted their route from the school to Noya’s tree.

“Are you quite alright, Asahi?” Ennoshita asked, seeming worried (no one could say for sure though, he always spoke in a deadpan and his face didn’t move far from ‘tired’ so he was hard to read).

“Oh, did I not mention?” Tanaka inquired. “Noya’s in Asahi’s body and vice versa because of the sharks!”

Asahi started coughing loudly and it was actually kinda worrying how much? It sounded like he was hacking out a lung.

“What.” Ennoshita said, still in that perfect deadpan.

“I said, Noya and Asa-

“No, Tanaka, I heard you the first time.”

“Then why would you say what?”

“Because I am,” (he sighed like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders, then continued) “extremely confused. How can I be sure that this isn’t some kind of... Prank, or something? No offense, but you guys would totally do something like that.”

No one objected, because he was absolutely right.

“Chikara, these guys are for real,” Tanaka started. “Earlier-

“I know!!” Noya called out. “Let’s play never have I ever!!! It’s a good way to check who’s who, plus it’s hella fun!”

Ennoshita frowned. “Asahi, you’re aware this is a drinking game, right? We need liquor to play.”

“Yeah, I do know that. You’re right, Ennoshita, we should do something else,” Asahi agreed nervously. 

The actual Asahi, of course. Ennoshita stared.

(Honestly, he was already pretty convinced, but it made no sense and it really shouldn’t be true, so extra confirmation never hurts.)

“But guys!!!” Noya exclaimed. “I’ve got this old-looking body- I bet I wouldn’t even get ID’d if I went to buy drinks! What kinds should I get though?”

“You shouldn’t,” said Asahi.

“Vodka,” said Tanaka, at the same time.

“Vodka it is!!!” Noya ran off (Asahi’s legs were FAST!), leaving the others sitting in an odd, but not uncomfortable, silence. Asahi fiddled with his fingers nervously, pulling at a ragged cuticle until his finger bled just a little. Eventually Tanaka pulled out his phone to play some endless running game. He died 3 times in a minute. Ennoshita was staring at something in the distance. Or maybe at nothing in the distance, if anything was there it certainly wasn’t visible. 

After some unmeasured eternity, Noya returned holding a brown paper bag.

“I have no clue what I should be looking for in alcohol, so I just got the cheapest vodka they had. It’s…” He pulled out the bottle. “Bowman’s? I don’t know, it was like 10 bucks. And I was right!” He grinned ecstatically. “They didn’t ID me! You really do look old, Asahi!!!”

“I know,” said Asahi, running his hands through his (shorter) hair. “You don’t have to rub it in, Noya.”

“Whoever you are,” Ennoshita said, mouth tightening in a way that made Noya fear for his life, “vodka has an absurdly high alcohol content. And I’ve heard it tastes awful. This is a very bad idea.”

“Like I said, I’m Noya!!!” he shouted. “And it’s a GREAT idea, shut up!”

“Well, I can’t stop you people from doing this,” Ennoshita sighed, “but I’m opting out, thanks.”

“Noooooo, c’mon, Chikara!!!” Tanaka whined. Ennoshita frowned. “It’ll be fun! Pleeeeeease?” And then he busted out the puppy dog eyes.

Ennoshita should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to escape.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Confusion™️


	9. Really Low Alcohol Tolerance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cats, thugs and pregnancy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is... Messy. But that’s okay because they’re drunk lmao. Hope you like it!!!
> 
> I was also wondering if anyone had pairings or prompts they want me to do! No promises on timeframes, but I’ll probably write it if you ask! Leave requests in the comments- I’m bored so I want more to write :D

The group stood in a circle by the old oak tree, with the bottle of vodka in the middle. Ennoshita still wasn’t happy with this turn of events, but what can you do? Nothing. You can’t do anything.

“I’m the youngest, so I get to go first!!” yelled Tanaka, puffing his chest out in apparent… Pride? Over his age, which he had no control over. Ennoshita sighed (he felt so old, this shit was exhausting) but let it happen- He knew how to pick his battles.

“Never have I ever...uh... um...” It really shouldn’t have been a surprise that Tanaka, who was so enthused about the game, hadn’t even thought of any questions. “Never have I ever... Broken a bone!!”

All 3 stepped towards the bottle. And at that moment, Ennoshita devised a brilliant plan. He wouldn’t have to play after all, Ryuu’s puppy dog eyes be damned! He could escape the hardships sure to come! “Oh, look, we don’t have any shot glasses! I guess we won’t be able to play, what a shame. Let’s wrap it up, everyone, come on-”

But it was not to be.

“We can just drink from the bottle,” Asahi suggested. _Damn it!_

“But what about germs?” Noya asked hesitantly. Ennoshita had never loved the libero as much as he did in that moment.

“To hell with germs, Asahi, it’s the end of the world! Live a little!!” And Asahi, in an absurdly Noya-like fashion, took a nice, long drag of 40% alcohol vodka.

He didn’t even flinch.

Ennoshita and Noya gulped theirs down next. It tasted like despair. Noya turned green.

Tanaka resumed the conversation. “Back on track- ALL of you have broken a bone at some point?”

“Bro, you haven’t? I’ve broken, like... 1, 2, 3, 4... 7! I’ve broken 7 bones!” said Asahi. Asahi said bro. ASAHI said BRO.

“Bro, I thought it was normal to not break bones! Do you think I should try to break one? Would it look cool? I could, bro!!”

“No way, bro, I wanna see you safe!! Don’t break bones on purpose!! But Asahi,” Asahi continued (and this act was getting more and more convincing by the minute, quite honestly), “I am curious... How did you break a bone?”

“I was trying to rescue a cat from a tree,” Noya replied. “It didn’t go well.”

“How the fuck does rescuing a cat from a tree end in a broken bone?” Tanaka asked with incredible fervor.

“He probably just fell out of the tree or something, chill out, bro.”

“No, no, it actually was a little bizarre,” said Noya, and now Ennoshita was intrigued. 

Very intrigued.

So intrigued, he needed to hear all about it.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything.

Where was the fucking explanation?

“Tell the story, Noya!!” Ennoshita said, after over a minute of silence later. A MINUTE. These people are just extra.

“Why would I know what happened?” Asahi asked. “Wait, you were talking to Asahi just now, weren’t you? You know, we’re gonna get confused if you keep using the wrong names. Or, I will, I’m really easy to confuse. At least that’s what my parents say!!”

“They aren’t wrong,” Tanaka assented. 

“Okay, fine,” Ennoshita said, exasperated. “Tell us the story, ASAHI.”

“I’m sorry about him,” says Apparently-Asahi-In-Noya’s-Body, and that was really unwieldy even in thought form, he’s just gonna think of him as Asahi from now on because why the hell not. “You can call me Noya if that’s easier for you.”

“It’s fine, Asahi,” Ennoshita conceded. “I’m still not sure I believe you, but I’ll play along. Now just tell us about the kitten, I’m curious!”

 

“Well, that morning I was running a little late for school, right?” Asahi paused for assent. He better not do this every time, it would take hours.

“I was running late for school, but then I saw this kitten. And it was... it was SUCH a cute kitten!” Asahi was tearing up a little, and for the life of him Ennoshita couldn’t tell whether he was somehow already drunk (to be fair he did have a very tiny body, it was maaaybe possible...) or if it was Noya pretending to be Asahi and only Noya’s usual theatrics. “And the kitten... It was stuck in a tree, right?”

Ennoshita was tired of this shit. “Yes, Asahi, you’ve already told us. The kitten was stuck in a tree. Then what happened?” 

“Well, then... I see the kitten in the tree, right? And I think, I’m gonna be late to school if I save that kitten. But then I think, the kitten needs you right now, Asahi. And do the teachers need you? No. No they don’t.”

“That’s deep, bro.” Ryuu’s eyes glistened with tears of respect. Tanaka Ryuunosuke, everyone. Only him.

“So, I go and I climb the tree. And I try to grab the kitten, right? But the kitten,” dear God, Asahi is crying even more now, W H Y. “The kitten... It scratches me. And it yowls and I know it’s scared of me. and it’s just a kitten and I know it isn’t it’s fault but why does everyone have to be so scared of me? I don’t want people to be scared of me, Noya. Why is everyone scared of me?”

“Because,” said Noya, face grave (which worked a lot better than usual seeing as he was in Asahi’s naturally intimidating body), “you have a scary face.”

This was not the correct way to deal with this situation.

“I do,” Asahi wailed. “I do have a scary face!!! But I don’t want to be scary!!!”

“Bro, bro, chill out,” Tanaka chided, and the irony was absolutely striking. “You don’t have a scary face any more, you have Noya’s face!!!” 

“You’re right,” Asahi said. “I have Noya’s face. Noya’s face isn’t scary. But I don’t wanna have Noya’s face, though! I wanna have my face, but, I- I wanna have a not-scary face... Except I can’t because my face is scary... Why do I have to have a scary face?”

Yes, that was Asahi, and he was definitely shitfaced already. But that didn’t matter as much as…

“WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KITTEN, ASAHI?!!”

“I’m sorry, Ennoshita, it’s just...”

“Finish. The fucking. Story.”

Asahi paused, saw Ennoshita’s glare, and immediately unpaused. “Well... the kitten claws me, mmkay? And... That makes me really sad, but I don’t want to hurt it or leave it to get eaten by an eagle or killed by a sniper or something, so I pick it up anyways. And now I have scratches all over my arm. But the kitten’s gonna be shot otherwise, and I’ll be okay with a few scratches. So I take the kitten- But then I realize that I have to go to class NOW or I’m gonna be late. And I wanna go to a good college, you know? But if I don’t get a scholarship, then my parents are gonna have to pay for all of it, and I don’t want them to have to pay for all of it because they’re my parents and we’re doing okay for money but they can’t pay for a good college without taking out a big loan! And if I’m late for class, then I might not get a scholarship, I really do need to go to class. So what I do is,” he takes a breath and closes his eyes as if bracing himself for embarrassment, “I put the kitten under my shirt.”

Tanaka starts legitimately SPUTTERING. “Bro... Why not just put it in your bag? Or leave it with someone else, or something?”

“Well, those are all decent ideas,” Asahi frowns, “but I didn’t think of them then, how did I?”

“ROASTED!” Noya croons.

“So, I put the kitten under my shirt,” Asahi continues and honestly, could this story move any slower? “And I go to class. But see, the thing is... The kitten was really easy to see under my shirt! Because it was a fat kitten. Fat cat, fat fat cat.”

Tanaka is dying, he’s going to run out of air if he keeps laughing that hard. “Bro, stray cats aren’t gonna be fat! That kitten belonged to someone!!”

“I’m getting to that part, lemme get to it!! Right, I walk into class just a few seconds before the bell, with scratches all over my arm and a big fat lump underneath my shirt. But luckily over the run to school, the kitten had stopped moving, so I’m pretty sure the cat is asleep. And then, I slip into my seat,” Asahi is laughing hysterically too now, it’s amazing to see, “and the bell rings, and class starts. So then, the teacher is taking attendance, right? And he gets to my name, and I know he never liked me because he’s a big, fat, meany. No, he can’t be fat, the cat is fat and the cat is cute and he wasn’t cute at all, he wasn’t anything like the kitten!” Asahi is crying again, good God. “The teacher is an ugly old meany, so he asks me. He asks me, ‘Mr. Azumane, how on earth did you put on so much weight? Eat too many Cheetos last night? Or was there something you wanted to tell the class?’ And I know- I know I don’t want to tell the class about the cat. But I also know that I’m not fat, and I don’t want him to say I’m fat. Not that there’s anything wrong with being fat! Cats are fat, fat cats are cats, cats...” He keeps talking, probably- Does it count as talking if it’s completely incomprehensible? He could be chanting demonic rituals for all anyone could tell.

“He asks why you’re so fat, and then?” Ennoshita prompts.

“And then, I stand up. And I need a way to explain why I’m so heavy all of a sudden. So I say...” He turns bright red, and stops talking. 

This is unacceptable. “You SAY?”

“I say... I say that I’m pregnant.”

There’s a moment of silence before Tanaka and Noya explode with mirth. Tanaka falls hard on his ass from the force of his laugh, and Noya is clutching his belly as he lets out an unfamiliar laugh- Asahi’s (body’s) laugh is beautiful. Meanwhile, Asahi-in-Noya’s-body blushes furiously. People say blushing furiously a lot, but they don’t actually mean blushing furiously- The term can only apply to what Asahi was doing in that moment. Ennoshita didn’t even know that that shade of red even existed, it was so bright and vibrant. He wanted to take a photo and bring it to a color theorist.

“Do you wanna hear the rest of the story or not?” Asahi asks sulkily.

“Yes! Yes we do, don’t stop!!” Ennoshita glares the other 2 into silence, and Asahi continues.

“I say that I’m pregnant,” Tanaka snickers again, Ennoshita swats him to shut the asshole up. “And the teacher just kinda stares at me. He stares, you know? In that really judgey way that teachers do, you know, like they’re disappointed in you and they know you can do better but you aren’t living up to their expectations and really, you can’t live up to anyone’s expectations and you’re just a waste of space. You know that look?”

Ennoshita nods just so that he’ll keep talking, but resolves to have a heart to heart with.. the occupant of this body... at a later date. 

“Yeah, so he gives me that look. And I get really really embarrassed. So I run out of class. And I’m holding my belly like a goddamn pregnant woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with pregnant women, I love pregnant women!”

“Kinky,” Tanaka snarks.

“Shut up, Tanaka,” and oh, that was new, whether it was actually Asahi or Noya speaking. “And I… I go into the hallway, right? But then I realize… I don’t have anywhere to go! Because I can’t just- I can’t just go back to class after all that, that would be awful and embarrassing. So, I need to run away. Because I’ll never be able to face my classmates again, it was so embarrassing.” Asahi inhaled deeply. “My mom would never let me skip class, so if I wanna avoid school I gotta run away. Not just from school, I gotta run away from home. And all I’ve got on me is my school bag. So I’m just thinking, where could I go that isn’t school or home? And… I’m not thinking of anything, because I’m not… not thinking good and… Noya, am I drunk?”

“It appears so, Asahi. It does appear so,” Noya responds, giggling as he speaks.

“Why am I drunk, Noya? You’re supposed to have to drink a lot to actually be… be DRUNK, right?” 

Noya seemed to consider, stroking his goatee. “Well, my body is… SMALL, fine, it’s small. And I haven’t drank before. That means you get drunk faster, right?”

Ennoshita nodded his affirmative.

“But Noya,” Asahi protested, “if you haven’t drank before then why now? YOU should be the first person drinking in your body!”

“Viva l’apocalypse, Asahi!! It’s not like I’ll be back in my body before the sharks take over, so let’s live a little!!!” Asahi’s body bouncing on its heels is disturbing and wow, they weren’t kidding, they really did switch bodies didn’t they? This is bad.

“Guys, we really need to talk about this… Sharkpocalypse? Is that what you called it?”

Tanaka nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, what’s the deal with that?” Ennoshita was done waiting for answers. He wanted an explanation, NOW.

Noya opened his mouth. Ennoshita glared preemptively, mentally preparing himself for whatever bullshit he was about to spout. “Ennoshita… The sharkpocalypse doesn’t really matter.” His glare deepened, prompting Noya to backtrack. “Not that it won’t matter when all of you die, you’ve got people waiting for you and stuff!! I get it! But…” He paused for emphasis. “There’s nothing we can do about it right now.” Ennoshita was about to shoot him down when he continued. “ALSO! Asahi is super drunk right now so this isn’t a good time to talk about it! And don’t you wanna hear the rest of the cat story?”

Ennoshita really wanted to hear the rest of the cat story.

“Alright. But we’re talking about whatever shit you’ve dragged us all into first thing in the morning. _Okay?_ ” He narrowed his eyes in a way he knew screamed ‘danger.’

“Deal!!!” Noya was actually SALUTING now. He was too much.

“Mmkay, should I keep telling the story now?” Everyone quickly nodded, and Asahi continued. “So I decide to run away to the park. This little playground that’s in between my house and the school, right? And I’ve still got the cat under my shirt, it’s sleeping and I can’t wake up a sleeping little baby kitty, that would be wrong and… And I’m not allowed to do anything wrong, you know? Then I get to the park, right? But there’s this group of boys there, and they’re all really tall and have scary faces,” (They all refrain from pointing out the irony of that claim) “and they’re smoking cigarettes on the swings. Except, I wanna go on the swings, you know? Swings are the best! And my filter is, like, not working. Like, the pieces are all over… BROKEN. My filter is broken. So I go over to them and I ask if I can go on the swings. And the biggest one… He just… He just _laughs_ at me.” Asahi is crying a little now, and laughing at the same time in a broken kind of way.

Noya walks over and rubs his shoulder. “Asahi. It’s fine, you’re just fine. What happened next?”

Still teary, Asahi continues. “He says, what are you gonna do about it, fatty?”

Tanaka gasps dramatically, slapping a hand over his mouth.

“Right then, I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve been embarrassed in front of my class and my arms are covered in scratches and I’m not gonna take any more of this bullshit.” He grabs the vodka bottle from the center of the circle and takes a long drink. “And I gotta stick to my story, you know? So I say, ‘I’m not fat, I’m pregnant. Now give me the fucking swing!’”

Tanaka WHEEZES. It sounds like he’s choking.

“And he’s all like, ‘oh, so you’re one of those trannies? You wanna be a MAN? Then grow a fucking dick!’”

Noya’s glare is bordering on murderous- No, scratch that, it IS murderous.

“That makes me really mad. So I say- I say, ‘Fuck you!’ and I push him off of the swing. It turns out that was a very bad idea.”

“Did they beat you up?!” Noya asks, with a disturbing level of enthusiasm.

“Yeah, they all gang up on me and they start hitting me and stuff. But then, after they beat me up for a while, one of them moves to kick my belly. And the kitten’s there! So I cover it with my arm, and he kicks my arm and it breaks. And that’s how I broke a bone.”

And he acts like the story is done.

For fucks sake.

“Okay, that’s great and all,” Ennoshita says testily, “but what happened to the kitten? And you running away from home? You can’t just stop there!!”

Noya and Tanaka chime in with a chorus of “Yeah’s” and “c’mon’s,” until eventually Asahi caves.

“Mmkay, I protected the kitten, right? But the impact of the kick still woke it up. So my pregnant belly wriggles and meows, and all the thugs abruptly stop. And the lead thug asks, ‘are you hiding a cat under your shirt?’ I say no, of course, because that kitten is too pure to be touched by those transphobic assholes. They see right through me, of course, and they pull the kitten out from under my shirt. And one of them is crying, and he calls out ‘Mr. Snuffles!’”

Tanaka looks like he’s about to say something, but he glances at Ennoshita and seems to think better of it. Good. They’re learning.

“It turns out that the cat was named Mr. Snuffles, and he belonged the grandmother of a thug. The thugs all escorted me to Granny June’s house, and she cried when she saw the cat and she made me cocoa and wrapped me up in a blanket. She asked me about my life and I told her I was running away to live at the park. But she… She told me, about how that was a bad idea. And how I had a broken bone, so I had to go to the doctor. And then I noticed it hurt, and I cried a lot. Long story short, I didn’t run away from home and my arm was in a cast for a month.”

“That…” Tanaka whistled, “is NOT how I expected that story to go. This calls for a toast. To the apocalypse!!”

“To the apocalypse!” the other 3 chorused. Tanaka grabbed the vodka and immediately gagged.

“GOD, this shit is awful! Why do people like it?!” He grabbed his throat, and fell into oddly convincing death throes. 

(It was only natural Tanaka didn’t like hard vodka, when he drank his coffee with sprinkles on top.)

If there really was a sharkpocalypse, Ennoshita would rather be with pretty much anyone than these 3 helpless idiots- They’d manage to die within an hour, for reasons completely unrelated to sharks. But what happens happens, and there are worse ways to cope than cheap vodka and bonding.

Not many worse ways, those are terrible coping mechanisms. They exist, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time- I’m not sure, do you guys think I should write more Never Have I Ever, or skip the rest of the game and move on with plot? (I would put some more character details in the game ofc, but u know what I mean :)
> 
> EDIT: TFW u reread the chapter u posted and it’s actually pretty shit   
> ....So I’m just gonna quietly fix that, nothing to see here :D


	10. Cornflakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very happy with the beginning of Ennoshita’s POV, gotta say :D  
> Enjoy!!!

As the night went on, Noya learned many things he didn’t necessarily WANT to know about people he considered friends. Ennoshita had kissed 3 girls, as opposed to the others collective 0. Tanaka owned a Gasai Yuno cosplay he’d worn on multiple occasions. Asahi was once mistaken for a member of the mob & reported to the police (luckily his mom knew the officer dealing with the issue, and it was all straightened out fairly easily).

“Ooooh, look at that, we’re almost out of vodka. Guess I’ll have to grab more soon-”

And at that moment, something- _someone_ \- awful happened.

“NO, you are not grabbing more alcohol, Asahi. As for the rest of you, I’m _severely_ disappointed.” Shit. This is bad.

Daichi was here.

“Calm down, Daichi,” Suga said as he appeared at Daichi’s side (angels sang, they were saved! Hallelujah!). He grabbed the bottle. “I’m sure there’s a PERFECTLY reasonable explanation.” He drained the rest of its contents, maintaining eye contact all the while. “Right?”

His gaze could kill a man. They were not saved in the least.

After a few moments of silence, Tanaka took the hit for them. “Well- Ah, it’s the sharks fault?”

Daichi and Suga traded a _look_ , then turned back to poor, poor Ryuu. “Explain.”

Thankfully Ennoshita, the true hero of this story, cut in. “Look, I want answers as much as you do, but can it wait for the morning? We’re all drunk and it seems like it’s going to be _quite_ a story.”

“Alright,” Daichi sighed. Suga looked at him in surprise. “And Ennoshita, don’t think for a minute you’re guiltless in this- You’re just as drunk as the rest of them.” The brunette glanced away, cowed. “More importantly, you’re all sleeping over at my place!”

There was a moment of shocked silence. “...Why?” Asahi asked for all of them.

“First of all, I’m guessing you don’t want your parents to see you drunk. And second, I don’t want ANY of you running off before we get a proper explanation.”

Suga raised an eyebrow. “Who said I’d be at your house?”

Daichi blushed. “I mean, of course you don’t have to if you don’t want to! I just thought…”

“Calm down, Captain!” Suga laughed. “Of course I’ll be staying over too, I’m just teasing.”

He laughed harder at Daichi’s silence. “Shut up,” Daichi grumbled, swatting him lightly. “Come on, people, let’s go! I’ve got a guest futon and plenty of sleeping bags. You’re all setting up yourselves, I’m not dealing with that.”

The group groaned as they got to their feet, but followed obediently anyways. As they walked, Tanaka approached Noya. 

“Hey, bro- Do your parents know that you’re Asahi?” His speech was slurred a little, but still easily understandable. 

“They’re out of town for work right now, thank all the damn gods above,” Noya replied. “I’m really not looking forward to that conversation. Hopefully we all die before they notice.” He threw back his head with a hollow laugh.

“Noya?” Tanaka asked tentatively.

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been wanting to ask… Are you okay? At home and stuff, I mean. I’ve never seen you’re house, and you never talk about them. Are they-”

Noya grabbed Tanaka by his shirt easily, pulling him until he was close to eye level. His eyes _burned_. “Don’t,” he growled, voice dangerously low, “talk about them.” 

Tanaka watched, stunned, as Noya stalked away.

******

Chikara stood alone in darkness.

(Oh shit, wait, it wasn’t dark- His eyes were closed. Let’s just- There, that’s better.)

Chikara stood alone in broad daylight, surrounded by hedges. They were circling him, blocking out the sun and now it was really black, he couldn’t-

THERE! A light shone through the brush, and he pushed through. He was scratched but it didn’t matter, he had to get out get out gET OUT GET OUT GET

He burst through the other side. The light was white and blinding, and his legs were scratchy, why were they scratchy? He looked down, dreading what he would see.

Yellow. Bumpy, yellow scales coated his legs. They crackled and crunched as he ran, breaking into pieces only to be replaced by more.

_Cornflakes._

The sun flickered. In the second of darkness, it began to rain pink. The strawberry milks moist lips parted. “I’m organic! Taste the fruit!!”

He ran harder. His heart pounded. He didn’t want to taste the fruit. 

His breath came fast and shallow as he sprinted, he couldn’t keep this up much longer. The rain followed, darting after him with narrow eyes, too many eyes they were watching don’t look _don’t look at me, PLEASE-_

Water. There was water in front of him. He couldn’t run any more. The air was damp and slick. Rain approaches fast behind him. It’s closing in its closing in he can’t run-

A shark rises from the water. It’s round chin is covered in hair, little brown bristles that writhe in the wind. It opens its eyes, they’re red, too red too red TOO RED

It rises further, revealing long, pink locks in twintails. No, not pink anymore the hair was soaked red too, everything is coming away _red._

Finally, it emerges fully from the water. Even it’s black dress is being stained red it’s blood and there are bodies in the water, how did he not notice the bodies? Their eyes bulge, wet and glassy and oh _god_ that’s Daichi it’s Daichi’s eyes that are bulging and there are sharks and blood and the sound

The sound is

He leans over the ledge, chest heaving, and throws up. The taste is bitter. Bile coats his lips and embraces his cheeks.

And then

He

Falls

But it doesn’t end it’ll never end please let me out please _please_ the shark catches him and there’s pink hair in his mouth and it tastes like blood.

“Date me, Chikara,” the shark says, sprinkles flowing out of its mouth. Chikara’s legs are soggy and slimy now, the cornflakes are red with blood too but at least his legs won’t be eaten.

Finally, the rain catches up. It stings where it touches his skin and the shark is caressing him, licking the vomit from his face and the rain doesn’t taste like strawberry milk it tastes like BLOOD and Chikara? Chikara, are you awake?

“Chikara?”

He sits up with a gasp

“Hey, you awake?” Tanaka whispers loudly from next to him.

Why is Tanaka sleeping with him? They were drinking, and then-

Oh thank fuck they were just sleeping over at Daichi’s. He was in his sleeping bag, Tanaka was in a different one.

“What was the question?” Chikara asked, voice dulled with sleep.

“I’m gonna take that as a probably,” Tanaka smiled. “But, I need to talk to you.”

Not this again, he didn’t want to deal with the prospect of dating Tanaka. It was too much.

“I’m worried about Noya,” Tanaka said, voice fraught with worry.

Oh. Ok then.

“What’s there to worry about?” Ennoshita realized the idiocy of the question as soon as he said it- It’s the fucking sharkpocalypse and Noya’s in Asahi’s body, could it get any worse? He sat up, shifting onto his hands.

“I think…” Tanaka hesitated.

“You think what?”

“I’m... _concerned_ about his home life,” he finished quietly.

This wasn’t good.

Ennoshita knew he wasn’t all that close with Noya. He _knew_ he’d only seen 1 side of the boy- The side he wanted seen. He knew there were things Noya didn’t tell him.

He didn’t ever wonder what was hidden, though.

But… Was he really? “What made you worry, Tanaka?” He searched his gaze. His eyes were downcast, looking for the right words in the weave of his blankets.

“He never talks about his parents. _Ever._ And today, when I asked, he was just… So angry.” Tanaka sighed. “I want to help him, I really do. I just don’t know how. And, I don’t want to go behind his back- That’s a dick move, and I’m not even really certain that anything’s happening. It’s just so frustrating sitting still.”

Ennoshita has no clue how to deal with this. He swallowed nervously, and takes a breath. “Tanaka… You know Noya so much better than I do. You’re practically brothers- Hell, if you’re practically brothers and you still haven’t met his parents, that’s probably not a good sign.” He exhales softly. “I really can’t tell you what to do- I don’t know what you should do.”

Tanaka hummed, and laid back onto his mattress. He rolled away from Ennoshita, facing the window.

“I guess the only thing I can say is... Talk to him,” Ennoshita said softly, and then returned to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’d you think? Anything I could be doing better? Pls leave a comment!!!
> 
> Next time: FINALLY discussing the Sharkpocalypse™️
> 
> Also not sure if I’ve mentioned but this’ll be updated every Sunday from now on!! See you then!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if it’s not too much trouble, I’m always open to criticism/suggestions! Also it helps me feel like I’m not just screaming into the void lmao
> 
> I’m gonna try to update this every Sunday- Stay tuned :D Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!!!


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